June 2012
1 post
WE CRAWLED OUT OF THE VOID
AND INTO OUR DADDY’S BALLS
AND THEN INTO OUR MOMMA’S WOMB
AND THEN THROUGH YEARS
OF TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS
ONLY TO STAND HERE NOW
AMONG ONE ANOTHER
GOOD WORK EVERYONE
WE DID IT
LET’S PARTY
1 tag
PETERBD SENDS ME AN EMAIL
REVIEWS OF TPHD’S (THERON JACOBS) YOUTUBE VIDEOS
video #1: A MINION. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEQDFXIth5E&feature=plcp
so here we have a drawing of what appears to be a minion. B
video #2: PARTY THEFT http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhLpMZv67T8&feature=endscreen&NR=1
there’s a lot going on in this video but it works. it looks like the minion has returned but has...
May 2012
65 posts
HAVE YOU SEEN MY WHALE? I’VE LOST IT SOMEWHERE. IT WAS HERE JUST A MOMENT AGO IM CERTAIN.
HAHA I DON’T HAVE A WHALE. YOU CAN’T REALLY OWN A WHALE ANYWAY IT IS A PERSON.
ALSO SOMETIMES IT’S AN ONLINE LITERARY THING. A THING WHICH I RECOMMEND!
WORK BY Dave Shaw Justin Carter Austin Islam Beach Sloth Steve Roggenbuck Heath Ison Crispin Best Cassandra Gillig Jackson...
ANT FACTS
ANT FACTS: ANTS WHISTLE BUT THEY ONLY KNOW ONE SONG (LA BAMBA)
ANT FACTS: HAHA AN ANT PLAYING A TINY GUITAR AND ANOTHER ANT DANCING
ANT FACTS: ANTS CAN’T DUBSTEP OR DIE BY FALLING
ANT FACTS: SOME ANTS HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO RIDE WORMS LIKE HORSES
ANT FACTS: EVERY YEAR THERE IS AN ANT PAGEANT AND EVERY YEAR AN ANT WINS
ANT FACTS: THEY LOOK REALLY COOL IN SHOES
SCIENCE!
I HAVE SPICYBUTT AND I DIDN’T EVEN EAT SRI RACHA LAST NIGHT REALLY MESSED UP IMO
I CALL BULLSHIT ON THIS SORDID MORTAL LIFE
HELLO WE ARE A HORDE OF BEES
WE’RE LOST
WE WERE ON OUR WAY TO THE BEE PARTY
BUT, WELL, THERE WAS WIND OR SOMETHING
WE GOT CONFUSED
ANYWAY CAN YOU PLEASE KINDLY DIRECT US TO ALL YOUR HONEY
THIS IS A STICK UP!
HAHAH JUST KIDDING. WE’RE BEES.
WE HAVEN’T ANY GUNS
(WE WOULDN’T MIND SOME OF YOUR HONEY THOUGH)
(HELP A BEES OUT)
(WE’RE LIKE THE CUTEST...
“And how long have you been living with STUPID HAIR, would you say?”
*patient sobs quietly, averting his gaze*
Somewhere in the back a nurse points out his chart to another nurse and they both gasp.
“All my life, Doctor. All my life. But recently it’s gotten worse. Stupider.”
“Yes, I can see. Your hair is very stupid.”
*patient looks up with...
“WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE RA WOULD HAVE TO SAY ABOUT YOUR ATTITUDE DENNIS”
AND THEN HE PAUSES JUST A MOMENT
BUT THEN REDOUBLES HIS EFFORTS PUSHING THINGS OVER
WE IMAGINE SHE RA FROWNING
I RARELY SAY 666 BUT WHEN I DO, I SAY IT WITH ALL MY MOUTHS AT ONCE
(I FIND YOU GET A BETTER REVERB ON IT THAT WAY)
METAZEN GRACIOUSLY PUBLISHED A FEW OF MY POEMS THEY’RE ABOUT METAL BONES AND CAT PEE CHECK EM OUT
http://www.metazen.ca/?p=10103
idonothavepenisenvy: TRIP TO NYC →
anacarretecortes:
OKAY SO HERE’S THE THING.
MY CAR BROKE DOWN [AND I WAS IN AN ACCIDENT] 3 TIMES THIS MONTH. I’VE SPENT MORE THAN $500. THE CHEAPEST TICKET I’VE FOUND IS $414. SO. LIKE. I GUESS WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY IS.
I’M GOING TO MAKE ‘ONE OF A KIND’ CHAPBOOKS. WITH, LIKE, COLLAGES AND STUFF.
I CAN DO OTHER…
BUY SOME SWAG FROM ANA C IT’LL BE WORTH IT SHE IS GREAT
IT WOULD BE DIFFICULT TO DISABUSE ME OF THE NOTION THAT EVERYONE OR NEARLY EVERYONE IS CONSIDERABLY MORE COMPLEX THAN THEY PRESENT THEMSELVES
MOST OF US WITHHOLD OUR REAL THOUGHTS BECAUSE OF THE DIFFICULTY IN COMMUNICATING THEM; WE’RE NOT CERTAIN THEY CAN BE MADE SENSIBLE TO OTHERS
(OR THAT THEY’LL BE ACCEPTED)
AND ANYWAY WHO WANTS TO COMPLICATE A CASUAL CONVERSATION WITH A...
ILLEGAL SPIDER TEENS SNEERING AT EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE CUT IT OUT ILLEGAL SPIDER TEENS
THERE IS NO NEED TO BE RUDE
ILLEGAL SPIDER TEENS ARM IN ARM CHANTING “DESTROY, DESTROY, DESTROY” BEFORE RUNNING AND JUMPING OVER A PARK BENCH TOGETHER
THEY LAND IN A SPIDERPILE
THEY LAND LAUGHING
ILLEGAL SPIDER TEENS AT THE MALL, TRYING TO SHOPLIFT AT HOT TOPIC
ILLEGAL SPIDER TEENS IN YR TOILET WHAT ARE THEY EVEN DOING IN THERE
GET OUT OF THERE ILLEGAL SPIDER TEENS GO TO SCHOOL OR SOMETHING
IS A MACHETE A BIG KNIFE OR A LITTE SWO—BUT THEN WHOOPS IM BEHEADED
HAVE YOU EVER HELD A MACHETE I CAN PICTURE YOU HOLDING A MACHETE
IM DOING IT RIGHT NOW
WOW
IT LOOKS GOOD ON YOU
Anonymous asked: HOW TO FIND A WAY OUT OF A BOOBY TRAP (HOLE IN THE GROUND)? DOES ONE DIG DEEPER DOWN, IN THE HOPES OF REACHING CHINA, ALL THE WAY THROUGH EARTH? OR SHOULD ONE TRY TO CLIMB OUT? I DO NOT KNOW, THIS SEEMS AWFULLY DEEP, AND I AM NOT SURE I CAN CLIMB UP IT ALL THE WAY. YOUR HELP IN THIS MATTER WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.
Anonymous asked: if you could eat a cloud, what would it taste like?
Anonymous asked: are goats afraid of the dark?
THERE ARE MANY WAYS TO APPROACH A BOOK
SIDEWAYS, FOR EXAMPLE
ONE CAN SHIMMY UP BESIDE A BOOK WHEN IT’S DISTRACTED
WATCH HOW QUICKLY IT GIVES ITSELF WHEN SPRUNG SUDDENLY FROM THE QUIET MEDITATION OF THE SHELF
SNEAK, LURE, STALK, POUNCE
ONE CAN FERRET OUT THE DESIRED VOLUME
FROM A STACK OF SIMILARLY VISAGED BUT UNINTERESTING ONES
AN INVITATION TO A FESTIVAL IS SELDOM...
DOG, A PROMOTIONAL GIF http://twitpic.com/9nt5nt
CRISPIN BEST AND I ARE DOING A THING AND IT IS GOOD AND EXCITING
imaginaryimageblog:
Colonel Mustard briefly removing his waxed handlebar moustache to use as an icepick behind the cocktail bar
IT’S MY BIRTHDAY AND IM LOST AT THE CIRCUS
IM SURROUNDED BY CLOWNS AND PANICKING
»PRESS FAST FORWARD PLEASE
IT’S MY BIRTHDAY AND IM A FLEEING ZEBRA AND THERE’S WIND
HOLD A MOMENT
ON THIS ONE
LET’S STAY A WHILE WITH THE WIND
WELL OKAY IF YOU’RE NOT IN THE MOOD
LET’S CHECK OUT THE NEXT ONE
IT’S MY BIRTHDAY AND IM SPAWNING IN A DEPARTMENT...
LIKE ALL LIFEFORMS, I SEEK TO PERPETUATE MYSELF BUT I DO NOT WISH TO SPAWN IN THE TRADITIONAL FASHION, I WISH TO ASEXUALLY REPRODUCE BUT VERY RAPIDLY UNTIL I’VE CLOGGED UP ALL THE CITIES, THEIR DRAINS AND STREETS AND OFFICE BUILDINGS, UNTIL WILD TPHD’S CAN BE SEEN FROM SPACE CLUTTERING UP THE OCEAN’S SURFACE, SPILLING OVER THE GREAT WALL IN WAVES OF LIMBS AND BAD HAIR CUTS
I...
LIKE ALL LIFEFORMS, I SEEK TO PERPETUATE MYSELF BUT I DO NOT WISH TO SPAWN I WISH TO BE ATOMISED AND DIVIDED EVENLY
AND THEN CONSUMED
LIKE ALL LIFEFORMS, I SEEK TO PERPETUATE MYSELF BUT I DO NOT WISH TO SPAWN, I WISH TO LIVE FOREVER AND EVER UNTIL IM THE LAST THING AND IM FLOATING IN THE BLACK, ALONE, THINKING OF TWEETS AND EMAILING THEM TO MYSELF
"THE 13 GENDERS" by AGentleBrees (RIP) →
hungryghoast:
This was originally by @AGentleBrees but I’m thankful it was RT’d by @myacehen:
A ghost town, lone feature in a barren expanse. A crow alights on a dead tree, opening its beak: to you, traveler, it explains
1st Gender: TREE-LASS. Lumbering dancer made of timber: durable, timeless ……
I MISS AGB
LET’S EMBRACE THE MONSTROUS AND ALSO FINELY RENDERED, WEAPONIZED SILKS
JUST THINK ABOUT IT
IF YOU WANT FASHION TO ACTUALLY CHANGE, TO MOVE OUTSIDE THE VECTOR OF CEASELESSLY REMIXING PREEXISTING BITS, PIECES AND IDEAS
THEN YOU MUST RADICALLY ALTER THE HUMAN BODY.
SO LONG AS THE HUMAN BODY REMAINS UNCHANGED, HAIRSTYLES AND GARMENTS WILL CYCLE THROUGH A FINITELY BOUND SET OF OPTIONS.
A TIGHT VALENCE OF PERMUTATION ABOUT A MORE OR LESS FIXED FORM.
THIS IS WHY I WOULD LIKE YOU ALL TO...
YOU GO INTO A TUNNEL AND IT’S WIGGLING BECAUSE IT’S REALLY ALL YOUR FRIENDS HOLDING HANDS AND STANDING LIKE A TUNNEL
AND YOU’RE TICKLING THEM AS YOU PASS THROUGH
AND EVERYONE IS LAUGHING
YOU GO INTO A TUNNEL BUT THEN COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE IN JUST A MOMENT
SHORT TUNNEL
PERHAPS JUST A SINGLE BREATH’S WORTH OF TUNNEL
DISAPPOINTING, REALLY
HARDLY SEEMS WORTH IT
YOU GO INTO A TUNNEL AND IT’S VERY DARK BUT NOT DARK ENOUGH SO YOU DIG A HOLE AND GO INTO THAT.
NOW IT’S DARK ENOUGH.
LOOK. A WORM.
IT’S NICE HERE.
YOU GO INTO A TUNNEL AND MEET AN AGGRAVATED BEAR. YOU APOLOGIZE BUT THE BEAR IS STILL AGGRAVATED.
YOU CONVINCE YOURSELF IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. YOU’RE NOT AGGRAVATING.
(YOU ARE THOUGH. AND YOU KNOW IT.)
(SO DOES THE BEAR)
YOU GO INTO A TUNNEL AND TAKE A NAP AND THEN DUMBLY WANDER OUT AGAIN A SHORT TIME LATER
NOT LONG AFTER YOU FORGET THE INCIDENT ENTIRELY
YOU GO INTO A TUNNEL AND GET LOST FOR A BIT BUT THEN SOMEHOW END UP IN A BALLPIT FULL OF HAPPY KIDS
THEY’RE ALL SMILING
YOU GO INTO A TUNNEL AND YOU NEVER GET OUT OF IT
IT’S SCARY IN THE TUNNEL AND YOU ARE AFRAID FOR A LONG WHILE BUT THEN YOU GO INSANE AND IT’S A RELIEF BUT IT’S ALSO LIKE ANOTHER TUNNEL
A SMALLER ONE
“I have no problem thinking of tweets as poetry, because the really great ones...”
– Patricia Lockwood (via blancateli)
PLEASE TAKE THIS STONE—
NO, THIS ONE. THE SMALL ONE
YES.
PLEASE TAKE THIS STONE AS FAR FROM ME AS POSSIBLE
AND BURY IT.
PLEASE BURY IT DEEPLY
IMAGINE YOU ARE TRYING TO FORGET IT.
TRY TO FORGET IT.
PLEASE USE YOUR HANDS.
IT IS IMPORTANT TO USE YOUR HANDS.
AND WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED USING YOUR HANDS AND
WHEN THIS NEW GRAVE HAS BEEN ACHIEVED AND THIS ROCK
FORGOTTEN FOREVER, JUST...
Cage Match Vol. 2! →
baddronemedia:
We have about 50 copies left. $5. Click the link below!
http://baddrone.bigcartel.com/
http://baddrone.bigcartel.com/
http://baddrone.bigcartel.com/
Featuring art and writing from Ben Sears, Steve Roggenbuck, Matthew Baker Thompson, Bobby Griffiths,…
THIS IS AN EXCELLENT COLLECTION WHICH I RECOMMEND. THERE’S TWO POEMS FROM ME IN IT, WHICH I ALSO RECOMMEND ^-^
MY GRANDFATHER CUT OPEN HIS FACE AND WERTHER’S ORIGINALS SPILLED OUT IN A GIANT CATARACT OF HARD CANDY
THE WIND RUFFLED HIS CARDIGAN
I THINK HE WAS SMILING
BE MY FRIEND
HELLO LETS BE FRIENDS
http://www.facebook.com/100RAINBOWSATAN
LONG BEFORE DUBSTEP
LONG BEFORE DUBSTEP THERE WAS WORMS SHIVERING IN THE DENSE CENTER OF AN EXPLODING STAR
LONG BEFORE DUBSTEP THERE WAS A HAPPY DOG LICKING AN ICE CREAM ON THE SIDEWALK
LONG BEFORE DUBSTEP THERE WAS THAT GUY WHO SHOWED UP TO SCHOOL ASSEMBLY AND PLAYED A SERIES OF OVERSIZED BANDSAWS
LONG BEFORE DUBSTEP I BOUGHT A PACK OF POISONED FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS AND PROCEEDED TO MAKE DEAD FRIENDS OUT OF...
