November 2008
38 posts
IN THIS ROOM OVER HERE:
I HAS A LASER.
I HAS A ACTION-PUPPY.
I HAS 100 OF THINGS YOU CANNOT IMAGINE.
OTHER THINGS.
STOP
YOUR IMMEDIATE MOUSTACHE.
WHY YOU GOTTA RUSH THINGS?
TAKE YOUR TIME. DO IT SLOW.
my
butt just declared itself sovereign.
i no longer have any control.
dear
mullet pony,
please make love to my head,
and then come in my brainz.
we will have amazing children.
who will remake the future
into the shape of laser mullets.
the world needs this.
like
the sweetest mullet EVAR.
fuck.
that
pony has a mullet.
imma ride it.
or hold it in my arms and sing it songs.
one or the other.
magic
is for wizards and kittenz only.
i thought everyone knew this.
stupid pony.
shit.
when did he learn spellz?
ponies aren’t supposed to know spellz.
this complicates matters.
my
pony is very impatient.
i will flog him.
he looks so good in his tiara, though.
like a princess!
anybody
wanna borrow my ninja?
he is good for things. very useful.
steals cookies, though. all day long. just hanging out in the kitchen. waiting for me to slip up.
it is stressful.
hey guy
stop stealing all the cookies.
you are a ninja. not a thief.
if
you don’t put it in nao, we’re never going to get it in.
and you’ll have all those scars for nothing.
eyes on the prize, bucko.
i feed
my sharks nothing but kittenz.
and my kittenz nothing but shark meat.
that’s nature, yo.
i will
destroy you with lasers if you don’t give tht back.
i need it.
these
muffins are muffin flavored.
my kittenz are smelling them, but so far they appear baffled.
usually, they just eat raw meat.
last time
i made out with a yeti, he tasted like cheese.
i think he was eating some cheese.
these are the facts:
pokemon are swarming about me at this very moment.
it frightens and arouses me in equal measure.
idk what to do. it is dilemma!
if
you want your legs back,
you’re going to have to work for them.
better get started!
only
for a little while, okay?
then i have other things to do.
besides, you’re getting my pants bloody.
(bloodier)
last night
i took out your brains and replaced them with wet spaghetti noodles.
you smell stupid and delicious.
you have
17 boobies.
please stop lying about it.
i already know.
somewhere
in the world exists the stubbornest wizard.
lurking about, now here now there.
he is very busy. casting spellz and not giving up.
woah.
that’s a lot of socks.
the future
is awesome. you should visit.
bring extra pants.
no.
my poops are trying to escape. i won’t let them.
okay.
now stop thinking about pterodactyl.
stop!
you are stubborn. but cute.
come over here nao.
say
have you ever thought about how i am so so amazing?
good! now picture me riding a pterodactyl!
it is hottt pink and i am smiling and waving!
the world is beautiful place! your life is meaningful!
confession:
i’ve made a wig out of the hairs i’ve stolen from you.
at night while you are sleeping i put it on my cat.
we cuddle and stay up late talking. but sometimes i laugh.
he looks ridiculous!
QUIT IT.
you know what i’m talking about. honestly.
never ever.
yetis and kittens are big big friends.
when you are away from home, yeti comes and hangs out with yr cat.
they do things. secret things. you will never know.
last night
i sat in a rocking chair, opened a good bottle of wine and drank it in a single, deliberate sitting while staring directly ahead of me at nothing in particular.
then i smoked marijuana. until my brain was all pulsing lasers and squiggle worms of colours, writhing around in my brilliant skull.
then i drew senseless things with markers in my sketchbook.
then i stole yr cat, taught it...
fact:
i can eat a kitten. and then poop it out whole and unharmed.
anger me, and i will do this to yr kittenz. they will be poopy and displeased.
probably.
my cat likes it. but his name is space lasers, and he is from the future.
BUT
i can promise you none of your deaths will be meaningless.
EVERY
squirrel ever is secretly working for me on a really big, exciting project which i can’t talk about just yet.
yesterday
i was a laser. today i am two lasrs. tomorrow i will be the king of the moon. i will wear a cape. made of lasers. these are my plans.
what are you up to?
fleas.
fleas are going to eat your face. not today. next week. your face is delicious. they will be stoked.
human tube
i wish i could control the colour of my poops. i’d mostly poop SUPR HOTTT PINK ZOMG. sometimes orange. now and again yellow. the human tube of paint is amazing and lives in your brain. he is busy pooping in places you don’t often check. soon all your memories will be brightly coloured. and delicious!
2012 EDIT:
if i could control the colour of my poops, i’d poop mostly...
today
i made a poop and it came to life.
