October 2011
46 posts
HEY READ A POEM
http://www.bartleby.com/201/1.html
A HEAP OF BROKEN IMAGES AND FEAR, IN A HANDFUL OF DUST AND BAD LUCK
FROM A DRUNKEN SKETCHBOOK RECENTLY DISINTERRED:
A THEORY OF DILUTION
INDIVIDUAL GENIUS IS DOOMED. THE FUTURE WILL BE WRITTEN BY THE MEDIOCRE HOLDING HANDS.
I SOLVE AWKWARD SILENCES BY NEVER FEELING AWKWARD AND JUST BEING QUIETLY PLEASED INSTEAD
IT IS A TECHNIQUE I RECOMMEND
THE PROTEAN, SHAPESHIFTING DREAMGIRL FROM LAST NIGHT’S NIGHTMARE, PROPPED UP ON ONE ELBOW AND CONSIDERING ME POST-COITUS:
“I UNDERSTAND YOU BETTER NOW. YOU’RE NOT NICE.”
AND THEN SHE PURRED.
BLACK MAGIC CRIME WAVE LET’S HOLD HANDS
CMON ALL YOU TWISTED WIZARDS YOU REMARKABLE THINGS
THE MOST REMARKABLE RANCH HAND ON THE RANCH WATCH HIM SMELL THE HORSE WATCH HIM DO REMARKABLE THINGS TO THE HORSE
HE WILL NOT WHISPER TO THE HORSE OKAY
GET OUT OF HERE WITH YR WHISPERING
HE MIGHT DO SOME REMARKABLE HOLLERING THOUGH
IT’S HARD TO PREDICT HIS MOVEMENTS
HE WORKS IN WAYS LESS REMARKABLE HANDS FIND MYSTERIOUS,
EVEN HAPHAZARD
I FIND BIG ASSES INSPIRING.
BUT, LIKE, ON WOMEN.
ON HORSES IT’S
JUST LIKE REGULAR OR WHATEVER
I’M OFTEN MISINTERPRETED WHEN I EXPRESS HUMILITY. WHEN I SAY THAT I AM NOT VERY SMART, I SHOULD BE MORE CLEAR. I DO NOT THINK ANYONE ELSE ON EARTH IS VERY SMART EITHER.
I THINK AS A SPECIES WE’RE EASILY IMPRESSED WITH OURSELVES.
WE COMPARE OURSELVES TO OTHER ANIMALS, AND GET SMUG. OUR SENSE OF COGNITIVE DEFTNESS SWELLS. BUT REALLY OUR PERCEPTUAL APERTURES INTO THE WORLD AROUND US...
WHEN I MEET A GIRL I SUSPECT I MIGHT WANT TO SLEEP WITH I JUST START TAKING HER CLOTHES OFF.
I START WITH THE SUNGLASSES.
I PRETTY MUCH STOP READING AFTER “ART IS…” AS A MATTER OF ROUTINE.
I PRETTY MUCH JUST THROW MY HANDS IN THE AIR (TO SLAP BAD BIRDS IN THEY SOUR FACES)
I PRETTY MUCH JUST TAKE A NAP WHENEVER I WANT
I HAVE CUT OFF MY LEGS AND REPLACED THEM WITH CARBON FIBER DEERLEGS I WILL NOW GRACEFULLY LEAP MY WAY TO THE CENTER OF YR HEART HOLD STILL
QUIT WIGGLIN
THIS IS THE POLICE YOU ARE UNDER ARREST PLEASE GET OUT FROM UNDER THERE IT IS DARK AND QUITE SCARY
HERE HAVE A JUICE AND LOOK AT THIS PICTURE OF A HAPPY DOG I JUST DREW
WANNA DO SOME JUMPING JACKS?
THEY’RE INVIGORATING.
THE ADVENT OF THE SOCIAL NET HAS IN SOME SENSE REVEALED HUMANITY TO ITSELF
WE ARE RAPT, AS DRUNK AND AWESTRUCK AS NARCISSUS
AND BUSY UNBURDENING OURSELVES OF ALL OUR HIDDEN SELVES
WE ADMIT TO EVERYTHING
TO LIKING PORN AND KITTENS, STUPID GIFS AND BEING FISCALLY IRRESPONSIBLE
TO DRINKING
TO BEING BORED WITH DIFFICULT THINGS
WE ADMIT TO BEING LONELY
AND SAD
WE HAVE PARADED OUR...
TRANSFORM INTO AN ENORMOUS VERSION OF YOURSELF AND STOMP ABOUT
GUFFAW BRUSQUELY AT THE TINY THING OF THE WORLD
SUCK ALL THE CLOUD INTO YR LUNG, PRETEND YOU ARE A SPONGE
PRETEND YOU ARE A BLADDER
YOU ARE RARELY MORE THAN 70 MILES FROM SPACE AND MAYBE THAT WILL HELP YOU TO REMEMBER YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY AN ENVIRONMENT THAT WANTS YOU DEAD
PLEASE REMEMBER THESE THING
EVERYDAY I CRUSH A HANDFUL OF SKITTLES AND THEN SMELL THEM» HELPS RECALL THOSE WONDERFUL DAYS I SPENT IN THE CAVE, AMONG THE CANDY PEOPLE
EVERYDAY I PUT A NEW THING IN MY MOUTH OR TRY TO TAKE A NEW THING OUT OF IT (EXAMPLES> A TOOTH> A PEBBLE> A BIT OF A FOOD)
EVERYDAY I PRAISE THE THING THAT BREATHES IN THE CORNER (I AM FRIGHTENED OF IT AND FEEL IT IS MOLLIFIED BY...
3 tags
LIST OF MY BAD HABITS:
I REACT WITH HOSTILITY WHEN INTERRUPTED
I AM SCORNFUL OF THOSE WHO SYNTACTICALLY
MISMANAGE THEIR SENTENCES
I JUGGLE
I CUT MY OWN HAIR
1 tag
THIS IS A KNIFE.
THIS IS A PEANUT BUTTER.
THIS IS A BREAD.
NO, THIS IS A BREAD.
OKAY, NO IT’S THIS ONE.
SMELL THE BREAD.
SMELL THE BREAD.
SMELL IT.
OKAY NOW DO OTHER THINGS.
-HOW TO MAKE A PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH
—HOW TO BECOME DISORIENTED IN THE KITCHEN
—-HOW TO WANDER AROUND YR HOUSE WITH ALL THE LIGHTS OFF
——HOW TO OSTRACIZE YR FRIENDS AND...
A PLAGUE OF INFLATED LUNGS
