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Give me some special death medicines. Drown me in caffeinated lemonade. Cut me up while weeping, I want to go out in a fantastic ritual sacrifice administered by mournful beauties who regret what must be done but do it anyway.
I want to go out in a frenzy.
I am going to go into my box and think. My box is a space I’ve made for myself. I use it strictly when necessary.
Here’s me sitting cross legged in the center of the sun. It is very hot but I feel calm about it because I am not burning up like a pile of papers or even like a gum wrapper thrown into a bonfire, instead I am breathing in my box. All the heat, it is filling me up and passing through me and I am breathing in it. I am a large lungs. I am a lizards in a thick, thick desert. My eyes are closed but it doesn’t matter because everything is light and it looks the same either way.
This is my box. It is for sweating and thinking and breathing.
I built it with magic. I gave up magic but you cannot really give up magic. Magic is literally all around and inside you and you can choose to think otherwise but it doesn’t matter, it’s still there smiling at you, from just around the corner. From inside your big toe.
I built the box because I needed it. Since I was very young I’ve felt that cupboards and closets didn’t really end where they pretended to end, that they actually went on much further and I was right. If you can figure out how to get inside, everything goes on much further.
I buried my box which is like a small sun underneath my bedroom floor.
Push me under the water and hold me there until I stop struggling.
Sink me into a pit of cotton candy.
Release me to carnivorous, vengeful ponies.
I don’t really want to die I just want to shake things up a bit. I want to live faster and louder than anything’s ever lived before. I want to live like 10,000 dinosaur roars at once and when I die I’ll die a thousand times over in a row.
Strap me to a rock and feed me to a mean eagle.
I want to stutter over a cliff and then crash-land into oblivion from a great height and create a crater in the moon of nothingness.